“After years of songs about wanking, I was ready to stop a few years ago. But then, my guardian angel came one night.” Kunt, lone member of Kunt and the Gang abrasively reminisced, until he reveals a puppet of the saviour that opened more doors – Jimmy Savile, who gets the biggest cheer that he’s had in years, and ever will do. However, Kunt says that that wall has been hit once again, and after a thirteen-year reign of hilarious smut, Kunt and the Gang will be no more following his farewell tour. Tonight at the sold-out Southampton Firehouse, Kunt stages his penultimate performance, as he reaches the end of The Final Kuntdown.
That’s how my review of tonight’s show opens, which you can read in its entirety on my portfolio site (written for my own amusement, as understandably, this wasn’t a show that anyone wanted to cover). After my friend Amy and I had seen Kunt and the Gang live at Download Festival, I fancied seeing him live at one of his own shows. The deal was sealed after he announced that his November 2016 tour would be ‘The Final Kuntdown’. It was a retirement tour! Well, that sucks. There was no way I wasn’t going now. I had to go and see him at his penultimate show in Southampton Firehouse.
My father had asked a few times who I would be seeing in Southampton, and in the car, being driven there, I couldn’t beat around the bush any longer, and I finally dropped the c-bomb (or is it a k-bomb in this instance?) in front of a parent. I think that that is the first time I’ve done that. It’s funny how much I cared about this. Should I worry about swearing in front of my Dad when I’m 26 years old? I tweeted about this later on, and Kunt himself liked it.
Today was special. The day I first said “cunt” in front of my parents, saying I was seeing @kuntandthegang tonight. Who is/was/were awesome.
— Nick Pollard (@nickzpollard) November 5, 2016
When standing by the merch table, I stood next to Kunt and he came across as a very nice guy, and really tall. At least 6’4”. I was disappointed not to have a camera so I could get a photo taken with him, and at least have a way into a conversation with him.
While we didn’t get to see him ‘Wanking Over a Pornographic Polaroid of an Ex-Girlfriend Who Died’, the set was pretty definitive of his output, having to be split into two halves. His support act Mike Gibbons came on with a guitar for the encore – ‘The Wrong Ian Watkins’. At the end, he shouted “see you in a couple of years when I’m skint!”. I don’t want him to become skint, but I hope I get to see him again. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Kunt couldn’t resist touring again anyway, especially considering how most of the tour dates sold out.
The show had been surprisingly long, so to be as definitive as possible, pushing almost two hours. Not bad considering that the extent of his song subject matter is relatively thin, and how he admitted that half of his songs are based around the ‘Blankety Blank’ theme song. I lost track of time, and subsequently, my Dad had to wait outside in the freezing cold when coming to pick me up. Not that he seemed to be too upset. In fact, he was pretty entertained.
I had already been surprised to see that the full, uncensored name of the act was on a sign outside the venue. Dad told me that every word could be heard from outside, and probably could have been from quite a radius. I’m sure anyone walking past was thrilled…
Thanks Kunt. See you in 2018 I guess!
(Written 12th April 2017)