It might have been three weeks until the end of the year when the ‘Year in Review’ page became available, yet Facebook have decided that it is time to mourn the death of 2013 already, by automatically selecting the twenty most significant moments from each users’ walls. However, I’m at loss on how these moments have been chosen.
I have undergone nervous surgery and been fitted with a vagus nerve stimulator, a device that zaps my brain every five minutes. I am now, by definition, a cyborg. At long last, I graduated from university, only to return for a master’s degree. I attended Download Festival and some brilliant concerts that I celebrated on my wall amidst excitement. I also appeared on Steve Lamacq’s radio show.
None of the above were chosen, despite receiving more likes and comments than just about everything that made its way onto my wall. Apparently these moments were far more important:
The year’s very first post consisted of me moaning about how my 1KG chocolate bar was quickly disappearing. Amidst financial panic, a phonecall with Student Finance ended in giggles after I was mistaken for a girl. When speaking to my father, having already spoken to me:
“I have sent you the log in details so your daughter can complete her loan application.”
I had a laugh about how ITV and Muse co-operated to finally obscure the then unavoidable Emili Sande, when ITV accidentally played the audio of Muse’s performance of Sande’s. I celebrated how after lots of people got overexcited about my Sonic Boom Six interview, the number of countries from which my website had been accessed rocketed to 42. Since then, my blog’s empire has extended to 71 countries. I was particularly excited when Greenland was highlighted.
A friend made me a Squirtle keyring. We’re good enough friends that since then, she has asked how she knows me. I guess she enjoys making keyrings enough to send them out to partial strangers. We met when you visited Portsmouth, Milly.
I found a detention form from my old secondary school, that my brother had written for me (for ‘being a twat in my company’) after he rediscovered the pad of forms that he stole on his last day of school. I left the school in 2006. My brother left in 2009. The detention slip was written in 2012. Not very 2013, is it?
The aforementioned brother bought me this birthday card, wishing me ‘a birthday worthy of a princess’. What I actually got was an extremely wet and muddy Sunday night at Download Festival after it (and I quote a fellow, soggy attendee) ‘cunted it down with rain’. My mother was wonderful enough to hide a parcel in my backpack for me, containing party poppers, two candles and Mr Kipling angel slice. Thanks.
I attempted to sunbathe in the overly bright studio lights at the university.
Perhaps it was unfair to say that my graduation was ignored, because it did get a nod. Underneath the forever daft looking robes, much to everybody’s confusion, I wore a suit. I’m apparently not allowed to look presentable. “It looks so wrong-STOP IT, it burns my brain”. Thanks Hannah.
2013 wasn’t all about me though. I was nice enough to dig up quotes from yesteryear that friends would rather forget…
… And point out that another friend resembles this guy. (I say ‘friends’. Perhaps not anymore..)
And with that, at least in Facebook’s eyes, comes the closure of a seemingly terrible 2013. For once, I’m not going to be the most negative figure. It really wasn’t that bad. It could have been better. I guess I’ll just have to wait for 2013 to come round again and give it another go.
Happy new year I guess.